Relationship Breakup Demystified

Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 2005

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Soulmate-Infoserve

Author: Ernest Quansah

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If you’re like most adults, once upon a time you were in a relationship, felt you were in love, and thought you had found the right mate. Then you were disappointed with a breakup, perhaps so painful it left you scarred for months and in some cases even years. Well, I hate to break it to you, but if your current love relationship is not working, chances are that breaking up may be the way to a successful relationship and a new life.

This article does not invite men and women to leave their relationship. It is intended to explain one of the reasons why relationships fail. I hope you will take away knowledge you can use to ensure the success of your own love relationships. As a case study, let me relate the story of Jack and Jill.

Late in 2003 while Jack, a well-to-do accountant, was out shopping, his eyes caught a woman. She was very pleasing to the eye. Jack spoke to the woman and soon the two began dating. They were so happy from the start that they thought they were soulmates.

About two weeks into their dating, things had changed. They were now in a love relationship. Jack introduced his new-found love Jill to his son and Jill introduced Jack to her own family. Both Jack and Jill were single parents each with two children. Things seem to be moving along well for them. By this time, it was not uncommon for Jack to take Jill shopping, give her his credit card and watch her spend, spend and spend. Jill loved it. In her mind, she had found the perfect man. He was good-looking, academically educated, had a beautiful five-bedroom house and was financially secure.

As the relationship progressed to another stage, Jack was so happy with his new woman, he suggested marriage. Jill asked that Jack give her some time to think about his offer. Jill’s reason for not going along with Jack’s suggestion right away was she wanted to take it slow for the sake of her children. She wanted to make sure she was making the right decision for everyone involved.

Despite the happiness friends and family felt for Jack and Jill as their relationship progressed, deep inside Jill felt there was something amiss. Jill began to ponder their relationship with an objective frame of mind. She analyzed it and realized Jack was not treating her very well. All along she had been blinded by the fact that she had found a man. As far as Jack was concerned, everything was perfect. He was more than happy with the way Jill treated and took care of him.

About seven months into their relationship, Jill decided to end it. Jack could not understand. He became offended and accused Jill of being cold and unloving.

Jill became very frustrated and called me. The obvious answer I gave to Jill was, “Jack’s remark is really about him and not you, Jill. He wants you and if he cannot have you, then to him it means you are cold." I continued, “If the relationship is not working, as you tell me, it is your right to set him free so that you both can find your true mates."

Jill vented and when she was done, she felt better. About four months after their breakup, I asked Jill what had become of Jack. Jill informed me that Jack had found another woman who was more his age. The new woman had moved into Jack’s home and they planned to get married. Jill proceeded to say, “You should see them in church on Sundays. Everybody says they look so good together. I can see how happy he has become. I can feel they are right for each other."

When Jill said that to me, my response was: “Don’t you feel good that you let him go when you realized the relationship was not working? Because you set him free, now he has found a woman he is very happy with." She agreed that the breakup had led to something better for both of them.

Relationship breakup is and can be painful depending on what a person has invested in the relationship. It is even more hurtful if you are expecting a future, such as marriage, but come up short. The most important thing to understand is that relationships break up for several reasons. The above story shows only one way that breakup can be the best thing for you. Anger, insults, and seeking revenge simply make matters worse, as these retaliatory feelings keep eating at your core.

When your relationship ends, you must do what needs to be done to forgive yourself and the other person. I know too many cases where people become so bitter that they form a negative opinion of the opposite sex. These feelings will then manifest themselves in conversation with friends. Soon friends begin to feel emotionally drained with all the negative talk and begin to avoid the person who is doing the negative talk. There are many cases where people take their bitter experience into a new relationship and end up losing that new lover because of their negative talk.

When your relationship fails, the most important thing to do is accept what has happened. Try to understand why it did not work out. Consider the consequences of what may happen to you emotionally if you resort to anger. Usually after a breakup, you may find yourself missing the other person and want to go back to them. It is very important to be strong, as you will almost certainly have feelings of wanting to return and reignite the relationship.

If your relationship breaks up, it can be because your soulmate is just around the corner and in order for you and your soulmate to connect, you must become single, thus allowing your soulmate to come into your life. A breakup can also mean that you have been hurt too many times in the relationship, taken advantage off, lied to, cheated on, and so forth, and that your soul cannot take it any more and needs to get away.

Forgive yourself and others. The power of forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways of achieving inner peace. Forgiveness will help you feel good about yourself. It will give you courage you thought you never had and lead you into the arms of your true mate.

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Ernest Quansah is a Soulmate Relationship Expert who helps men and women find their true love and create the relationship of their dreams. He is the author of How to Identify Your Soulmate, a love relationship advice manual designed to help people find happiness and fulfillment in their relationships. For more information about his services, please visit http://www.soulmateinfoserve.com Copyright © 2005. All rights reserved.

Ernest Quansah has more than 15 years' experience as a relationship counselor and is the author of How to Indentify Your Soulmate as well as Dos and Dont's of Relationships. He has successfully coached many single men and women to find dates leading to marriage. Website: http//:www.dosanddontsofrelationships.com

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